Sample 2A:
This essay is very impressive, the student thoroughly answers the prompt by using many detailed examples of how the author, Katharine Brush, uses literary devices to make her point. It is made clear that Brush's objective is to show how a "man's lack of interest in every-day ordinary people" is a common and depressing issue, for Brush addresses this idea in the introduction and conclusion. The student goes on to describe how the reader is placed "in a state of increasing dismay and depressing curiosity" due to Brush's repetitive use of the word "you." The student is very insightful and does a very good job of showing how Brush's diction choices played a large role in setting the mood of this short story. Also, a good explanation of Brush's imagery helps to show how symbolic some things are such as the woman's hat and the birthday cake. The student did a good job of picking out these symbols and how Brush's descriptions have deeper meanings. Overall, this student does a good job of showing their understanding of this short story through their descriptions of literary devices as well as their observations that demonstrate deep interpretations. This essay does a good job of maintaining focus and directly answering the prompt, it is well written and deserves to be scored highly.
Sample 2B:
This student starts out very strongly when describing some of the authors use of literary devices, however, as the essay goes on, the student struggles to keep this strong point and is not as as persuasive. The student goes into detail about the irony present in the short story and describes how this irony allows the reader to pick up on the wife's unhappiness and sadness in her relationship. The student also does a good job of explaining how the change in point of view in the second paragraph played a role on the reader's feelings. However, I think when describing this change, they used a good example but then were a little repetitive with their point. The student just rephrased their idea in many different ways, this was good at emphasizing the point, but is it was also unnecessary. For instance, the student stated twice that the reader felt like "a spectator at this event." I think instead of restating a few ideas several times, the student should have touched on some of the other elements of the story to show they have a deeper understanding of the story. Overall, this was a good essay, but my main critique is to focus a little more on their interpretations.
Sample 2C:
This student does a good job of explaining the author's purpose and the feelings that are developed among the reader, however, many other points are not highlighted and therefor offers a narrow analysis. This student did not emphasize enough any other literary devices other than the author creating emotion for the reader by using "a sympathetic outside narrator and touching details to evoke this sympathy from the reader." This point is stated in a similar manner several times throughout the essay which is not necessary. The student's observations and comments stayed primary on the surface of the short story and failed to show that they had a deep understanding. This student touched a little on the diction choice and uses some examples but again ties them back to the sympathetic feeling from the reader. The sympathy and feelings the reader felt throughout the story were well emphasized but did not describe any other literary devices used by the author in good detail.
Your commentaries go into a lot of detail, which I find helpful since I can then accurately pinpoint certain ideas in the students essays. AP Literature Essays can be tricky so I am always interested in how students end up writing theirs. It seems that there must be a balance for the analysis. Like in the third paragraph, where you mentioned a narrow analysis, one has to find a way to correctly make observations without forgetting the question. The use of literary devices is also important, and like we had to practice with the close reading, the use of literary devices can change so much about the piece and it is important that one references them. In the second paragraph about how the students starts out strongly, it has to be necessary that you make a good impression on the reader, and yet not be repetitive of ideas as well. Overall, it seems that for these AP Literature Essays, they seem to hold a delicate balance of what the question wants, the analysis, and to get the main idea of the passage. I like that you had added examples and details of what was good or bad about these pieces.
ReplyDeleteI realize writing these analyses can get a little repetitive. You're writing an analysis of another kid's essay that's already been analyzed by an AP grader and it's all a bit excessive (plus now I'm analyzing your analysis of the analysis, it's like Inception, but AP Lit. Style). That being said, the majority of your sentences in each paragraph begin with "This student" or a variation of that. It's important to remember sentence variation is key in any piece of writing. Other than that, I like how in depth you get with your analyses. Your detail, as Ania said, helps the reader be able to quickly understand exactly what you're referring to. Do you think that reading and analyzing these essays was helpful for you? Do you think that it will make you a better writer when the time comes to write your own AP essay? If not, what other things do you think we could do to help you be better prepared. If so, in what ways specifically do you think that reading these will help you be better?
ReplyDeleteReading these sample essays, it seems like one of the hardest part of writing the AP Lit essay for me would be being versatile with recognizing and elaborating on all of the literary devices. I hope that we do writing practice in class, because merely perusing a sample essay and its feedback probably won’t accomplish much for me.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your analysis goes, it is pretty good. I think it would be more helpful to the reader if you mentioned the scores of each essay, but other than that you did a well job explaining the strengths and weaknesses of each essay. I liked how you said that repetition can behave as a double-edged sword (emphasis or unnecessary weakening), and I agree that repetition can at times attenuate the claim rather than emphasize it. I think it’s safe to avoid repeating ideas completely, because the reader generally wants to see something new every second of his reading.
Overall, this is a well composed analysis.